Revision Planning, Paper 2

Due: October 23

Complete this assignment as a “reply” on this page. You should expect to spend about 45 minutes on this assignment.

Your Task

  1. Identify and write three claims you make in the paper draft. (You probably have more than three, but ID just three.)
  2. For each of those claims name the key concepts and/or examples from Gee, Bain, and/or Nathan that you use to develop and support your claim. (If you don’t yet have the text engagement to build your claim, you have some more work to do here. But that work IS REVISION of the draft! Do it now, and you’ll thank yourself later.)
  3. Revise at least one of the paragraphs that contains a claim you identified in 1. above. Remember, it needs YOUR idea AND text engagement to help you develop the idea.  It will be helpful to revisit Barclay’s formula to assist.
  4. Using the guidance from your peers, put your overall perspective (viewpoint) into a sentence or two. Now, explain how you see the three claims in 1. above contributing facets to that perspective.

11 thoughts on “Revision Planning, Paper 2”

  1. Alex Chamberland
    Professor Cripps
    ENG 110S

    1. Three claims I make in the paper: a) The first half or stage of a college student’s growing process in order to achieve mastery in the Discourse primarily consists of one who focuses on the social and fun aspects of college. b) The transition in the process of college growth to achieve mastery in the secondary Discourse is when students shift their focus of the college experience in terms of values. c) The second stage represents upperclassmen who are in their second half of school and have matured enough to realize the importance of an education.

    2. For my first claim, I use Nathan’s ideas of classics and rebels to show how they focus more on the fun aspects in college. I also refer to how these students think with their pleasure brain in order to please themselves. This causes them to be lazy and use auto think (from Bain) or even cheat (from Nathan). My second claim refers to Bain’s concept of expectation failures and how college students experience failure in life which causes them to transition in the process. They later gain metaknowledge (Gee) and learn from their mistakes. I use Mary Ann Hopkins as an example of metaknowledge. My third claim uses Nathan’s concept of the new outsiders who value their education and think more with their spock brain (Bain). The students also utilize their professors more which is an idea I learned from Nathan’s text. I also use Nathan to support the claim and show how a profile from freshman to senior year has changed.

    3. A college student’s inexperience to high-level academics and the urge to focus on social interactions represents a ‘classic’ or ‘rebel.’ The underclassmen are ‘classics’ because they value “relationships with their wealthy peers, not teachers [to] form the important personal networks in their college life” (Nathan 107-108). This exemplifies the typical picture of a first-year college student who is just entering the secondary Discourse of college. In this first stage, the majority of students desire to strengthen the relationship with friends and they do not think about their relationship with faculty and how that may help later on. This shows that the ‘classics’ have their own set of priorities that shows they are a distinct stage in mastering the Discourse, separate from the upperclassmen. These ‘classic’ college students share a similar set of values to the ‘rebels’ who “repudiate traditional beliefs and authority” (109). The rebels are those who reject the ideas of faculty and only believe in their own opinions to further their beliefs. The rebels who are “nonchalance about grades” depict a more extreme side of the the ‘classic’ college student. Like the ‘classics’, rebels value being social, not being smart which is why they are both part of the first stage of secondary Discourse process. These are students who have yet to realize the importance of an education and means achieving mastery.

    4. The successful participation or mastery in the Discourse of college is a result of the extensive growth process a college student undergoes from freshman to senior year. The student experiences a shift of focus in terms of values as a college student from valuing pleasure to valuing education. My three claims stated above outline this growing process. My first claim is the first stage of the growth process where students value pleasure. My second claim is the transition where students have a shift in focus. The third claim is the second stage of the process where students value education and their future.

  2. 1. CLAIM ONE: The college Discourse is complicated with many components that play a role so it is important to consider each one, but before a student can master these parts they must be able to think in the right way.
    CLAIM TWO: Going into college we have ideas of what we think college is like as well as various tips from administration, our parents, online resources and older friends, but we cannot fully understand and be a part of the college Discourse without having the real experience of being there
    CLAIM THREE: Becoming part of the college Discourse involves altering the past Discourse of high school and this is a process that can take your entire college career to fully understand → changed to: If one wants to enter the Discourse of college they must take an active role in their academics by revising their past Discourses.

    2.Support for claim one: Gee’s belief of what is needed to be in the Discourse, Bain’s idea of how you must know how you think in order to be in control
    Support for claim two: Gee’s idea of apprenticeship, learning that cutting class is not so bad from Nathan’s text
    Support for claim three: Gee’s term meta-knowledge, changing process to become efficient from Nathan, Bain’s idea of expectation failures

    3. If one wants to enter the Discourse of college they must take an active role in their academics by revising their past Discourses. The Discourse that is revised most when entering college is the Discourse of a high school student. Gee’s term metaknowledge describes this revision process and is it defined as “liberation and power, because it leads to the ability to manipulate, [and] to analyze” (13). We enter college as a person who is fluent as a highschool student, but this needs to be changed since the things that allow you to be successful in high school are not exactly the same in college. It is true that “good students [have to learn] a kind of spartan efficiency” and “[cutting a normal] multiple revision process to just one draft then a final paper” as well as skipping some readings opposed to others are examples of this (Nathan 121-122). In college one must be able to manipulate the concept of time management because there is more of a constraint on time in college than in previous years. Students who are able to alter their study methods by adapting ways they used in high school do much better than those who stick to their old methods of other Discourses. People that get trapped in their own minds because of their old ways struggle in college. Expectation failures are times where known models no longer work in certain situations so “we have to stop and rebuild our understanding” (Bain 68). Students who cling to all the techniques from their past schooling will struggle when faced with a challenge where their old methods do not work. Expectation failures can spark the student to want to change their past through manipulation which gives them the power to control their college Discourse.Not only do we have to make revisions from our past Discourses such as a high school student once we being college, but this process may take the entire college career to understand.

    3. My overall claim is: master the college Discourse not only is it important to alter your past or even your major, but students must also be able to understand the way they think so they can consider their values and goals. I think that each of the claims for my body paragraphs support and explain a part of this overall claim.

  3. Molly Mohan
    Eng 110-S

    1. a. To be in the college discourse, you have to talk, act, and do the right things expected in the discourse.
    b. We have to change our thinking. Our negative, mindless, and selfish thinking needs to be turned into a more positive, more open minded thinking. You have to change your old thinking ways to start thinking the right way for college.
    c. The three brains are all necessary for someone to succeed.

    2. a. Gee’s saying, doing, believing concept and Nathan’s stereotypes.
    b. Gee’s meta-knowledge and Bain’s my side bias, vividness bias, and Robin WIlliam’s exercise
    c. Bain’s explanation of all 3 brains and my interpretation on why they are important.

    3. Altering your way of thinking or changing the way you view things is an important concept one must learn to take part in the discourse of college. One must try and forget the information they have saved to be successful in high school and acquire the new information to be successful in college. Even trying to think more positively can affect your progress in college. A “positive mood makes all the difference in the world, and that laughter — and perhaps the enjoyment that comes with it — prepares the brain to solve complex problems” (Bain 84) Bain points out that laughter can play a role on how one thinks. A study at the Northwestern University had their students watch a Robin Williams comedy before solving puzzles. The students that watched the comedy did a lot better than those who did not. Laughter and enlightened moods can actually have an influence and have a reflection on one’s work. The “Vividness Bias” is another example of how a person can be trapped in their own thinking and not see the reality. Bian points out that many people will pay attention to something with more vivid language than something containing dull facts, showing a lack of mindfulness. Bain uses the example of the behavior of people after the devastating attack on September 11, 2001. “Airline travel decreased because more people were afraid to fly. Instead, many of us drove long distances, a foolish act because automobile travel remains considerably more dangerous than commercial air travel” (79). The attack on the World Trade Center and the number of deaths were all vivid enough to make people believe driving was safer. This ties into Bain’s “Myside Bias” where people tend to think from their own perspective instead of contemplating other’s ideas. Changing these negative, mindless, and selfish ways of thinking and opening up your mind to a new perspective can make you more successful when learning.

    4. I don’t think I have just one idea to my paper, I need to work on just having one solid idea but I think my paper’s idea right now is that there is a lot of things needed to be truly successful in college. You need to…
    a. Talk, do, and say the right things; be an insider
    b.Change your way of thinking and open up to new ideas
    c.Use all 3 of Bain’s brains to your advantage

  4. 1)
    Claim One: One of the biggest tips for being successful in college is time management.
    Claim Two: I think that if a student wants to be “fully fluent” in a Discourse the student has to be 100% committed and interested on their own terms of learning.
    Claim Three: By mastering and achieving good grades, the senior has now mastered the Discourse of college and is fully fluent.

    2) Support for Claim One: Nathan is the one who writes about time management and allowing time for studies, sports, social life…etc
    Support for Claim Two: Gee’s idea of being fully fluent within a Discourse and also Bain’s idea of the pleasure brain and being interested in what a person is studying.
    Support for Claim Three: Again Gee’s idea of being fully fluent in a Discourse.

    3) Bain writes about the pleasure brain and what makes a person enjoy life. Bain says, “part of their secret in tapping that pleasure potential came in enjoying the ride rather than looking only for a destination” (82). The pleasure brain relates to the Discourse of college. If a student is more interested in getting through the work and getting the diploma, rather than quality and learning, is the student really trying to enter the Discourse of college? If a student wants to be “fully fluent” in a Discourse the student has to be 100% committed and interested on their own terms of learning. Another example would be stereotypes. Stereotypes can either be a good or a bad thing, whatever stereotype a person is, they must embrace it and accept who they are. Bain says, “if you learn to celebrate and appreciate who you are and the special qualities and experiences you bring, you can maintain that dignity of self that allows you to ride the locomotive rather than being swept beneath it” (88). To be in any Discourse you have to know yourself and respect you for who you are. Sometimes it takes changing what a person already knows and believes.

    4) I definitely need to work on having one clear claim because in my paper they’re numerous claims but they differ from one another.

    The claim I would like to have throughout my paper is maybe a combination of being fully fluent in a Discourse by mastering certain aspects of college such as: time management, appreciating oneself and being committed.

  5. 1.)
    Three claims i make in my paper
    1. metaknowledge
    2. experiencing things in different ways
    3. learning in different environments

    2.)
    For my first claim, i mentioned Gee and his ideas on Metaknowledge. I started to combine the first and the second claim together. I explained how to successful participate in a college Discourse through Metaknowledge and how an individual experiences things. Metaknowledge is basically means adding on to your knowledge and one way to do that is by experiencing things in different ways. You can do this with time management and setting up a schedule to help you be more organized. Another claim I had was learning in a different environment and explaining how one can become successful because of it. Being put into a new environment challenges you to learn because you are uncomfortable and unfamiliar with the situation.

    3.)
    A major theme throughout Gees passage includes the term called “metaknowledge”. Metaknowledge is a term created by Gee, that essentially means adding on to your own knowledge and also the overall idea of knowledge about knowledge. By adjusting your knowledge it can adjust how you experience things and changing your perspective on it. How you experience things can determine whether you can successfully participate in a college Discourse. Some examples of how one experiences things include time management or even setting up the perfect schedule for your classes. Nathan mentions how “the key to succeeding at college is effort and good planning. If you plan your time well, you can have it all” (Nathan, 111). Being in college is very different from high school. You have to be much more organized and learn how to use your time wisely. How you choose to spend your time can effect your success in this specific Discourse. For example, making a planner can help you manage your time and help you succeed through this Discourse. Planning things out gives you more time to think about it and makes it easier in the long run because you are more prepared. Another example that relates to “metaknowledge” is being put into new environments.

    4.) To be successful in college one must go through each of these steps and more. By putting these things together it helps you grow and eventually master the Discourse.

  6. Jessica Mikaelian
    Claim 1:In order to be successful in the college Discourse both balance as well as an understanding of yourself is necessary.
    Claim 2:The first part of being successful in the Discourse of college is being able to say the right things
    Claim 3:Being able to think in the Discourse of college successfully is an important aspect
    Claim 1:To support the aspect of balance I use tons of quotes and evidence from Nathan. I mainly focus on when she says “controlling college by shaping schedules, taming professors, and limiting workload.”
    Claim 2: I focus on how Nathan draws on being able to connect with professors, which undoubtedly requires being able to say the right thing.
    Claim 3: To support this claim I use evidence primarily from Bain. Drawing on how he wants students to be able to control their thinking in order to acquire information that will aid them in the success of Discourse.
    3.In Bain’s text the aspect of saying the right thing at the right time is not nearly at prominent at in Nathan’s text. However he does focus immensely on being capable of thinking in a “mindful”(74) manner. Being able to think in the mindset of the college Discourse is an incredibly important aspect. In Gee’s text one way he describes being in the Discourse of a linguist is being able to “speak, think and act like a linguist, and to recognize others when they do so” (7). The same knowledge can be applied to the college Discourse. Students must be able to speak as if they are in the Discourse of college, be able to think like they are in the Discourse of college and act like they are in the Discourse and be able to know who is, and is not in the Discourse of college. Bain says “If you realize what it means to be mindful or mindless, you can regulate your own thinking” (74). So by understanding and thinking deeper students may be capable of regulating their own thinking to think in the manner of the college Discourse. Being able to think in the manner of the Discourse is important according to Gee, thus by regulating thinking students will be one step closer to being a part of the college Discourse. One example of being able to regulate thinking to be successful in the Discourse of college would be understanding that it is acceptable to be mildly “manipulative or insincere” (Nathan 118) when handling professors. By regulating their thinking to accept this, they may have an advantage when taking a text because they received hints from the professor while making conversation (or speaking in the right manner). This could be a huge part of a students success the Discourse of college.
    4.Balance as well as knowing yourself are two very important aspects of being successful in the Discourse of college. Without balance it will not be possible to manage time, which is very important in the Discourse of college.

  7. Jeremy Longchamp

    10/22/14

    Professor Cripps

    Thoughts on Revising Paper Two

    1. A. Before mastery of a Discourse can be achieved, one must decide where his or her place in the college Discourse and what they wish to achieve by going to college.
    B. Masters of college know how to balance.
    C. One never truly mastered the college Discourse if they cannot apply what they learned in college to a post-collegiate environment.

    2. A. Nathan pages 106-110. New outsiders see their degree as “a ticket to a better job rather than a better mind” (Nathan 109).
    B. “The seasoned student has learned to balance, securing good grades, in anticipation of a lucrative and/or satisfying career, while experiencing the joys of college life” (129).
    C. Bain writes that Mary Ann Hopkins “consciously recognized the concepts she had constructed–about the world, herself, her actions, and her personal history–and mindfully reexamined them” (97).

    3. In order to master the college Discourse, students must first master the idea of “balancing.” Balancing is weighing everything one has going on in his or her life and being able to handle them all to a satisfactory extent. For example, one must be able to juggle schoolwork with a social life and academics or clubs. Rebekah Nathan claims that “The seasoned student has learned to balance, securing good grades, in anticipation of a lucrative and/or satisfying career, while experiencing the joys of college life” (129). Everybody’s idea of balance varies, however, based upon his or her values and what category of student he or she fits into. For example, some may focus their entire collegiate careers on academics, while others may balance their collegiate careers to focus on research. It varies from person to person, depending upon values. Part of mastering the college Discourse is realizing what one’s values are and being able to tailor one’s career based upon them. An athlete whose goal is to play a professional sport after college will obviously focus much more time on training and playing than someone whose main focus is to become a doctor. The latter student will balance his or her life to ensure that there will always be enough time to study, so that the student can obtain exceptional grades, be accepted into medical school, and reach that overall goal of becoming a doctor. That student may spend less time exercising than the student whose goal is to become a professional athlete, and spend more time studying.

    4. My overall claim is that the true master of college knows his or her priorities and reasons for attending an institution of higher learning, and is able to “balance” his or her commitments and workload based upon those priorities. The other main aspect to my paper is that students must be able to apply what they learn in college to a job related in their field. If students are unable to use what they learn in their post-collegiate career, then they never truly mastered the Discourse.

  8. 1.
    Claim one: How students learn is based on how they approach school with a particular prejudice and their way of thinking about things.

    Claim two: Students tend to categorize themselves into certain stereotypes, which prevents open mindedness and individuality because they believe in predetermined outcomes for themselves. This results in lack of motivation which will make it harder for students to become successful.

    Claim three: A good balance of time management and passion measures success of a college student. This is achieved when a student adapts to a regular schedule of college and acts accordingly to succeed.

    2.
    Claim 1 proof: Bain makes statements on how students learn based on mindset and what the students consider the paradigm of their education.

    Claim 2 proof: Bain notices that students tend to categorize themselves into what kind of mindset they want to be in and instead enter a discourse of social success. These frames tend to shape who the student wants to be, and he or she then begins to think like the people of that community. “We all build identities for ourselves that stem from the various roles we play” (Bain 88).

    Claim 3 proof: Nathan writes about how seniors of college have gotten used to the discourse of college and can act well because they have adapted to the life.

    3. Bain approaches the discourse of college and categorizes success based on a way of thinking. Similarly to Nathan’s views of college, Ken Bain notices that students love to ‘frame’ their behaviors on predetermined outcomes in order feel a sense of belonging and comfort. Rather than entering the Discourse of college, Bain notices that students tend to categorize themselves into what kind of mindset they want to be in and instead enter a discourse of social success. These frames tend to shape who the student wants to be, and he or she then begins to think like the people of that community. “We all build identities for ourselves that stem from the various roles we play” (Bain 88). Because the students think this way, the brain chemistry changes their way of thinking and are thus affected by the stereotypes of their social group even if they are not isolated nor involved in any part of the image of the group. They begin to lose sight of the purpose of why they want to learn a subject, such as obtaining knowledge and mastery of a profession, and instead are driven by the values they believe to be the most important aspects of college.

    4. The main point I got from my peers is working on making my essay more concise and clear. It seems as though I ramble and tend to stray away from my claim. Although I have good evidence and ideas, it’s similar to the problems on my last essay on really following up my ideas and making my own point clear with less summary.

  9. 1.My claims are as followed A). I believe if one can shake the laziness of the mind and approach problems in different aspects the college Discourse will become a success. B). This Discourse of college is defined as being successful if and only if one absorbs all the knowledge that is necessary to acquire their degree and takes advantage of everything that the Discourse offers, but at the same time does not sacrifice their happiness and fun. C). I think that Bain’s psychological take on how to be successful in college is the most helpful. If someone can control their stress and nervousness during tests and focus on their memories they would have an extremely valuable skill.

    2. For my first claim I used the idea of the different kind of bias and how our brains see things differently based upon our point of view or position, for the second I used the idea creating ones schedule according to time and professor so that their social lives are not affected, and for my third I used Bain’s idea of the alligator brain and how it can be controlled to take advantage of the Spock brain in high stress situations.

    3. Another strategy successful college students use is advantageous scheduling. Classes are sometimes not related to your major that you are enrolled in and can take up valuable time for other more important classes. Also a carefully planned schedule allows one to be free and “exercise one’s right to socialize, travel, sleep, party, and/or work” (Nathan 113). A successful college Discourse, as I said previously, entails more than just academics. Advantageous scheduling provides the student with a balance between the social and academic life. Courses should also correspond with the “right” professors and allow ample time for sleep Nathan writes. Having the right professors is a key element in the successful college Discourse. Nathan explains that “having the right prof, many times for the exact same class , can mean the difference between Easy street and Countless Hours of Pointless Busywork Street” (Nathan 113). The easy option is not always the easy way out. In this case taking the right classes that are required for your major and getting a good professor that teaches you the material rather than making you teach yourself through the ‘Countless Hours of Pointless Busywork Street’ is the way to become successful in the Discourse of college.

    4. This Discourse of college, in my opinion, is defined as being successful if and only if one absorbs all the knowledge that is necessary to acquire their degree and takes advantage of everything that the Discourse offers, but at the same time does not sacrifice their happiness and fun. I also think that there are many ‘loopholes’ in the college Discourse which, if used properly can help the student be successful. The loopholes that I explained relate to claim A and B while the idea of creating the ideal schedule relates to claim C.

  10. Christopher LeTourneau
    10/23/14

    1. One of my first claims is that college has the power to make someone be independent and give yourself the options to be your own person, to be and do the college life. My second claim is being able to cope with college can be difficult, but it is better understood once you actually know how your body works. My third claim is that I feel like it is very relatable in the sense that college isn’t just all fun or all studying, its a constant fight to master balance and time management that you have to continue to use throughout out your life.

    2. Claim 1: College has the power to make someone be independent and give yourself the options to be your own person, to be and do the college life. Evidence: “In short, you have developed this almost magical power to interpret a completely new situation in terms of mental structures that you forged long ago in another place” (66).
    Claim 2: Being able to cope with college can be difficult, but it is better understood once you actually know how your body works. Evidence: “abilities can improve as you understand how your mind works” (64)
    Claim 3: I feel like it is very relatable in the sense that college isn’t just all fun or all studying, its a constant fight to master balance and time management that you have to continue to use throughout out your life. Evidence: finally your pleasure brain which is a “whole series of connections that find great joy in life”(Bain 82).

    3. Rebekah Nathan’s chapter of “College Management” from My Freshman Year: What a Professor Learned by Becoming a Student was very different from Ken Bain’s chapter about the college discourse. An element that I noticed in Nathan that related to a college discourse that Nathan noted “… not all college students buy into the dominant paradigm of the day… There are subcultures and alternative cultures…” (107). Meaning that this relates to Gee’s argument and explanation about non dominant and dominant discourses.

    4. My overall claim is that to become a master is that you have to have the ability to not only know how your body and brain works, but to have an excellent balance of academics and fun. Being able to have balance can make you successful all throughout college and even later in life after college.

  11. 1.) My first claim was: The “New Outsiders” that are mentioned in Nathan’s text are an important value and a great model of beliefs to follow in order for you to be in the college Discourse. My second claim was: There must be some sort of fun or pleasure that keeps you interested [in college.] My last claim was: If a student today were to focus on one area too much, let’s say academics, they wouldn’t be well rounded.

    2.) For my first claim, I use Nathan’s quote explaining what the New Outsiders are and talk about how people such as the classics were unbalanced. I also used Gee’s talk about secondary Discourse that brings prestige.
    For my second claim, I use the concepts that Bain talks about such as the pleasure brain. I also say that if you are too dry and humorless, you will become more like the outsiders and value intellect over balance.
    And for my third claim, I use what I did in the first. This is within the same paragraph as my first claim that I stated above so now I know I need to break up the claims.

    3.) The “New Outsiders” that are mentioned in Nathan’s text are an important value and a great model of beliefs to follow in order for you to be in the college Discourse. This is one of the key parts of balance that has to be followed in order to keep all aspects of your time management evenly distributed. Using the profile of the new outsiders is a gateway into a college Discourse because of the fact that it remains balance in most aspects which is what others would like to see. Theses group of individuals are “practical and careerist in their approach to education, often showing little interest in extracurriculum apart from professional club activities that bolster their résumé” (Nathan 109). If a student today were to focus on one area too much, let’s say academics, they wouldn’t be well rounded. There would be no social life which in turn would hurt them when trying to fit in to the outside world. These Discourses that we fit into in college are secondary Discourses and they ultimately bring “the (potential) acquisition of social ‘goods’ (money, prestige, status, etc.) (Gee 8). If we are to balance between all of the values given by Nathan and use Gee’s concepts to enter the Discourse, we will be come fluent and receive the social goods.

    4.) My overall perspective is that you need to balance each of the values offered by Bain and Nathan, as well as using seniors to help you get into the college Discourse. I do not think my claims are that clear and I know I need to work on them.

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