Month: February 2017

1. In some part of my second body paragraph, one of my peer reviewers suggested that I incorporate/connect Gee and Brandt’s ideas to my own thoughts on the subject before closing the paragraph. Also, around the bottom of the second page I was told to clarify and put the ideas/quotes I used from Alexandra into the beginning of the sentence. Along with the above suggestions, I could also tie some thoughts together from Alexandra, with Gee’s “Mushfake” idea to tie the two together. All in all, my peers didn’t make many suggestions about adding/affirming/challenging, however they encouraged me to incorporate my own ideas on the topic.
2. My peers have written that I have used good quotes and examples form the scholarly texts although I could explain on the quotes a little more, and did a good job summarizing the narratives I used.
3. My peers said nothing about finding other sources, however my SASC instructor suggested reading through the scholarly texts again and look for more ways I can incorporate them into my paper. She suggested I should do the same with the three narratives I chose as well.

collreadwrit2e

Whether you are in work or at school, you need to be able to read and write so that you can communicate correctly with people.

Coordination  because it contains “so”. I attend to use more detail in describing why it is important to be able to communicate with people.

 

Good literacy is attractive so it is important to maintain good practice.

Coordination because it contains “so”. I plan to describe why good practice is important.

Nor do they want their fellow classmates laughing at them.

Coordination because it contains “nor”. I am going to use examples of why they don’t want classmates laughing at them.

I think it is never the sponsors fault because if you go to public school, you have the same opportunity to learn literacy.

Subordination because it contains “because”. I am going to use examples of how you can learn on your own.

 

Literacy is one of most important traits because it can help you in getting a good job.

Subordination because it contains “because”. I am going to show why it helps you get a good job.

 

Good literacy will help guide you to success because it makes it easier for you too understand what is going on.

Subordination because it contains “because”. I am going to describe why it makes it easier for you to understand.

 

collreadwrit2a

With this paragraph, they don’t use many details. They list thing after thing. They should describe each stop they make. This will engage the reader.

After the end of the Trojan War, Odysseus heads home. On the way back, he and his men sack the city of Ismarus. And then they sail to the land of the Lotus-Eaters. After they escape, they encounter the Cyclops, Polyphemus. And then, and then, and then….

This paragraph is similar to the one above. They  list a bunch of locations and don’t describe them. If you describe the rooms, it will give the reader a better picture.

The house I grew up in had a garden. It also had a garage. It has two floors. And an attic.

collreadwrit2a

1. If your project is truly “engaging the conversation” about literacy acquisition, it must be speaking to Gee/Brandt/Alexander in at least one of these three ways: affirm, add, challenge. And you probably want to be doing at least two of these things. What do your peers think you might do here, based on the evidence you’ve provided in the draft? Is there other evidence in the narratives that you’ve left out of the draft so far? Be specific about what your narratives reveal and what you think your might say about literacy acquisition through that data? Base on the feedback from my peers, I have good information and describe it well. They recommend I organize it a little more. I agree that I could sort everything out and make it more clear for the reader to understand. I also think I could use more details in describing the quotes.
2. Source introductions. Do your peers think you have enough “introduction” of G/B/A in the draft? Do you have too much? And what about your naming of the literacy narratives? Alexander offers little stories of her examples; Brandt offers richer descriptions so the reader has enough information to understand her analysis. In a short project, one should not repeat the details from the narratives, but the reader probably needs some description/context. What work do you have in this area? My pears think that I should change my introduction. In my intro, I post many questions that I answer later in the essay. They said I should take all those questions and try and combine them. 
3. Evidence. We must have actual passages from both our scholarly sources and our literacy narratives. The scholarly sources help signal the conversation you’re engaging; the narratives are your support for the ways you’re engaging the conversation. It is entirely reasonable to need to find and consider additional narratives, to need to dig more deeply into those one is using, and even to read parts of Brandt or Alexander that are relevant to one’s project but were not originally assigned to the entire class! What do you need to do in this area? I think I could give more of my opinion when relating  to these quotes. I think I am using too much evidence from the narratives instead of giving my personal thoughts.

End the post with “collreadwrit2e”

Dear Peer Reviewer,

1. My Question or Issue – “Why don’t students enjoy reading?” The question is clearly stated in my introductory paragraph, in the last sentence transitioning into my first body paragraph. As for help from my peer reviewers, I’m not sure if the question is clear throughout my entire paper or if I run off topic and am just babbling throughout four pages.
2. My Data Shows – that through sponsorship like in The Mean Teacher, having a bad sponsor vs. a good sponsor can alter you outcome in literacy acquisition. My data also shows that certain factors can help you gain literacy acquisition in a Discourse or knock you out of a Discourse like in Comfort, and in Cars Turning Over to The Sun. However I have it stated that these are my findings, I’m not sure if I’m correct with these claims. Help please.
3. I’m Adding to the Scholarly Conversation – I’m not sure if I am even adding anything to this conversation, but I think I could be adding that these students situations are relatable to other students which is why it is common for students to not like reading.
4. I’m Affirming or Challenging a Concept in X – with this part I would like some help from my peers. I don’t think I’m challenging or affirming anything really. I state ideas and claims in my body paragraphs and give examples from the scholarly texts but I feel like my entire paper is a mess.  

collreadwrit2e

Here in my first body paragraph, I added a sentence that better introduced my claim that went along with the narrative that supported it.

Here in my first to second body paragraphs, I added a transition sentence that leads into my next claim. Then in the beginning of my second body paragraph, I added a sentence that again introduces my next claim and the narrative that supports it.

Here in my second to third body paragraphs, I did the same thing as before where I added a transition sentence that connects my two paragraphs. Then I added another sentence that introduces my last claim with the last narrative I used.

collreadwrit2e

Dear Peer Reviewer,

• My Question or Issue – In my introduction I ask many questions about literacy. Throughout the essay I use many quotes from the scholarly and literacy narratives to help answer my questions. This makes it easier for the reader to understand the discussion. I would like to find a way to take all the quotes and create a response as to why these quotes help answer my questions.
• My Data Shows – In the literacy narratives, I find a lot of good quotes that help me answer my introduction questions. I need help taking these quotes and describing what the author means.
• I’m Adding to the Scholarly Conversation – In my literacy narrative, I am having trouble describing the Gee and Brandt quotes. How should I describe them? Describing these quotes will give the reader a good understanding.
• I’m affirming or challenging a Concept in X – In my paper, I ask many questions in the introduction and use quotes throughout the passage to help answer them. I am trying to organize my paper for the reader. I want to state the question, post a quote and then answer. I would like advise on how I should answer the question while relating it to the quote.

collreadwrit2e

 

In the passage by Gee he states “Language is a misleading term; it too often suggest grammar.” (Gee)  This quote really stood out to me.The reason why it stood out to me is because he describes language as a technique rather than a communication.  He makes a very good point.  A lot of students don’t like literacy because they feel that they are too focused on grammar instead of putting their thoughts on paper. Literacy should be about freedom and being able to put anything that comes to mind on paper.  Another good passage is “The Sponsors of Literacy” by Deborah Brandt. In the passage she talks  about the importance of literacy sponsors. She says “I set out a case for why the concept of sponsorship is so richly suggestive for exploring economies of literacy and their effects.”(Brandt) Throughout the article she talks about how important good sponsors are because they develop your literacy. Whether your sponsor be your parents or teachers, it is important that they can contribute to you success in literacy. The better the literacy the easier it is to become more successful. If you are writing a letter and you have good writing skills, your letter will stand out to whom it may concern. Good literacy is attractive.

Introductory Paragraph

In this paragraph I took the quotes I used from Gee and Brandt and did a better job describing them. I used more details and showed how they relate to my questions about literacy.

After discussing scholarly text, we got into small literacy narratives. I personally prefer the small literacy narratives because it is easier to remember information. One of the literacy narratives I enjoyed was called “Comfort” by Alexandra White. In the narrative she discusses the comfort of students when reading. A quote she used was “Instead I would just flip through the pages; so it looked like I was reading.” (White) I think this quote is very important. Many students could be practicing their reading but instead they are skimming through pages. Why is that? Wouldn’t they want to improve?  She says that a lot of students don’t like reading because they are afraid of what their peers think. I think this is one of the main reasons why students don’t raise their hand in class to read. They don’t want their fellow classmates laughing at them.

Introductory Paragraph

In this paragraph the edits I made were taking the quote I used and relating it too the questions I asked in the beginning. After that, I give my opinion on the quote. By doing this, it allows the reader to understand the importance of the questions I asked.

collreadwrit2e

 

Dear Peer Reviewer,

• Question: My issue or question I am trying to show through my paper is why is it that most literacy sponsors that show a positive interaction with a students and allow literacy success are not found until higher education? I show this question in my introduction along with ways that might support my question. I each paragraph I continue to talk about the issue, but present why that issue might be occurring. I am having an issue with my question a little bit I am not sure if it is exactly what I am trying to get at. If you have any advice after reading my paper if changing my question around a bit to make it flow better I would enjoy hearing your thoughts. 
• My Data Shows: In the literacy narratives I am reading I do find a lot of them that explain that the negative part of their literacy success comes from their early education years. It is not until high school where most kids are finding their sponsor. I do have some points that support my question but my last point is really weak and would like to find a way to fix it. If you look at the last paragraph it is very weak with information. I didn’t know how to explain that the ways of prewriting are not shown until higher education and this can cause a lot of confusion. I am also struggling with ways to relate things to scholars, if you have any advice I would like to hear about it.
• I’m Adding to the Scholarly Conversation: As I stated before I am struggling with relating my issues to scholarly text. I do have some quote within my paper, but I do not know if they are strong enough. I do try to transition using the Barclays formula in my 2nd body paragraph. I am also confused on who I should relate my issue to at the moment I find Gee and Brandt the best people to relate my issues too. The quotes that I do have within my paper are there to try and support my literacy narratives. To prove that they are right in what they are saying. If you think there is another point from either the same or different scholar I would love some suggestions.
• I’m affirming or challenging a Concept in X:  Throughout my paper I am mainly affirming my points with the ideas of scholars. As you can see in the first body paragraph I affirm that a sponsor must show engagement in order for a student to show a positive response. I use Brandt’s idea of a sponsorship to show that all sponsors are people that show engagement and care for their students. I also try to use Gee to affirm that a student can know how to read and write but that doesn’t mean they are doing it the right way in my 2nd body paragraph to relate to the idea of middle school teacher making class feel like a discipline. I am unsure if this way of affirming is effective should I be more clear or should I focus on challenging the issues more. Am I coming from the right direction here or should I be coming into my paper differently. Please give me any suggestions you have about the idea of challenging or affirming.
• collreadwrit2e