After making a post-draft outline I realized I definitely need a better conclusion. My last paragraph is helpful to the analysis of my Discourse but I don’t think it is right to be a conclusion. I like how I set up the rest of the essay before that last paragraph though. I explain a Gee idea, and then the next paragraph is using those ideas to explain my own Discourse. I think I do a good job with originality because I am using my own experiences to make my reader understand my Discourse, from my perspective. I use a lot of print language in the essay that can definitely use more explanation to help the reader better understand. I need more of gees idea of saying-doing-being-valuing, etc. When I put solid artifacts in my draft I think I will have an easier time putting those ideas into focus. If I had an artists personal story and connecting it to how they are in the dominant part of the secondary Discourse could make my essay more interesting. I think it is very obvious that only I could write this draft. Not many people could understand how to explain multiple parts of the Discourse even if they looked up the facts of it. I like where my essay is going so far, but it definitely needs a lot of work.
collreadwrit2e
Time on task: 30 Minutes