Restructuring and Post-Draft Outline Assignment

After writing my first draft and getting feedback from my fellow classmates and teachers, I realized that I need to be more organized and do a better job relating my artifacts to Gee. I also noticed that I need to

After writing my first draft and getting feedback from my fellow classmates and teachers, I realized that I need to be more organized and do a better job relating my artifacts to Gee. I also noticed that I need to make it clear what the purpose of my essay is about.  Right now its unorganized. I have good artifacts, I just need to do a better job describing them. After looking up manuscript revisions I realized that they are very detailed in corrections. I prefer the basic edits such as “describe more” or “move this to entertain the reader more”. Im not a fan of that type of revision. I think its too complicated and complex. I like keeping it simple. The more concise version is more clear for the reader. The longer one can get boring. Less is more when writing. I think a big part of me editing my essay is going to be organizing it and making it more clear for the reader. I think that overall I have good artifacts and I can turn it into a really good essay. I think I also need to do a better job relating my artifacts to Gee. Once I do these, I will have a really good essay.

“collreadwrit2e”

1 hour

 

Revision Plan

  Artifacts. Do your peers find that you have good, meaty, juicy artifacts from your Discourse? Rich artifacts offer good pieces of language for analysis. If peers raised some questions about details on your Discourse, or about evidence, perhaps you

 

  • Artifacts. Do your peers find that you have good, meaty, juicy artifacts from your Discourse? Rich artifacts offer good pieces of language for analysis. If peers raised some questions about details on your Discourse, or about evidence, perhaps you need to locate a better artifact (or two). Describe your plan of action. My peers felt that I had artifacts with my essay. They did feel that I should describe my quotes more and relate them to Gee. With this being said, I am going to use better description and show why  my quote is relatable to Gees passage. 
  • If you have the right kinds of artifacts, are you getting good “pieces of language” from them into your project? Peers should be helping you out by noting that the evidence to support your points about how your Discourse works is or isn’t quite there. Try to describe the kinds of language you need to work to add. This can help you as you revisit your sources to locate language to analyze. I need to relate my quote more to Gees Discoure. I need my reader to understand the purpose of my essay. Right now, theres not enough evidence.
  • Remember: Even though you’ve now been writing about Discourse for awhile, your reader is not necessarily aware of the theories/concepts. Look at the ways you set up and introduce the project. What might you want/need to do to help a reader get on board with your project? This may mean that you want a paragraph to develop the idea of Discourse and of Discourse analysis. Such a paragraph might become the first body paragraph. I need a better introduction to capture the readers attention. I need to describe what a hockey discourse is.
  • Consider how your peers responded to your “Note to Peers” blog post. What other substantive suggestions did your peers make? How do you imagine addressing the suggestions that strike you as important to engage? They thought I had good information. They did think I need to organize everything better. With that being said, I am going to start by making a better introduction on what a hockey discourse is. Than I will move intro three body paragraphs relating to Gee. I will finish with a conclusion that overviews everything.
  • 30 minutes
  •  “collreadwrit2e”

 

Revision Plan

My peers didn’t note anything about the artifacts that I chose to incorporate, however they told me I need to add a better analysis of them in my own words to help describe them more. For this, I plan to go back and re-read my paper and locate any areas where I can add details … [Read more…]

  1. My peers didn’t note anything about the artifacts that I chose to incorporate, however they told me I need to add a better analysis of them in my own words to help describe them more. For this, I plan to go back and re-read my paper and locate any areas where I can add details or put things in my own words.
  2. My peers didn’t tell me that the evidence I chose wasn’t working, they all told me that they like the examples I gave. All I need to do, like i said in number 1, is to add more detail and expand on those ideas.
  3. To get a reader on board with the Discourse project I need to connect and explain more how being a veterinarian is in fact a Discourse. For this I can explain how being a veterinarian is an identity for some people and how that is the basis of a Discourse.
  4. The only really serious comments my peers left were to add more detail and then to add my own analysis at the end of each idea. To me, these were the most important areas where I’m going to focus most of my time on during the revision process.

34 minutes

collreadwrit2e

Note to Peers- Chosen Discourse Project

The main problem I am having is the ability to get my point across. I am unsure if I completely understand the prompt, so if you guys have any advice on whether I am going in the right direction or not that would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I made the point that the … [Read more…]

The main problem I am having is the ability to get my point across. I am unsure if I completely understand the prompt, so if you guys have any advice on whether I am going in the right direction or not that would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I made the point that the dentistry discourse being a dominant secondary discourse is clear. If not then please specify where I should make it more clear. I think I need more help on integrating the building task, if there is any opinions on how I can improve the flow of talking about the building task I would love to hear it. I don’t really know if I am actually introducing them correctly in the paper it is something I know I need to go back too. Also my last paragraph is struggling, I understand. I am honestly at a real lost with this assignment so any help would be greatly appreciated.

collreadwrit2e

time on task 20min

Note to Peers- Sam Michaud

My main question is “have I showed the discourse that people gain when playing hockey.” I used a few examples from the artifacts to show what hockey players are familiar with than other athletes may not understand. I believe I

My main question is “have I showed the discourse that people gain when playing hockey.” I used a few examples from the artifacts to show what hockey players are familiar with than other athletes may not understand.

I believe I have made it clear that when playing hockey, you pick up a certain discourse, that only players can understand. I used good examples that show hockey is different than other sports.

I think I need help relating my artifacts to each other. This way I will be able to use a combination that will make the reader understand my point more clearly.

My number one concern about my paper is that I am not using the citations and artifacts correctly. I also want to make sure my paper is very organized.

“collreadwrit2e”

30 min

Note to Peers

My main question I am writing about is “how can you tell if some one is in the printing discourse”? The main idea…

  • My main question I am writing about is “how can you tell if some one is in the printing discourse”?
  • The main idea I hope to get across with my final draft is how you can tell if some one is in the Discourse.
  • I feel like I need help with incorporating good artifacts to help my reader better understand how you can tell if some one is a printmaker.
  • With my revision I would like to know how I should end my essay. Should I be restating the question? Some ways I answered the question? Also where I should add my artifacts and making sure my paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.

Time on task: 15 minutes

collreadwrit2e

Note to Peers- Chosen Discourse Project

The main problem I am having is the ability to get my point across. I am unsure if I completely understand the prompt, so if you guys have any advice on whether I am going in the right direction or not that would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I made the point that the … [Read more…]

The main problem I am having is the ability to get my point across. I am unsure if I completely understand the prompt, so if you guys have any advice on whether I am going in the right direction or not that would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I made the point that the dentistry discourse being a dominant secondary discourse is clear. If not then please specify where I should make it more clear. I think I need more help on integrating the building task, if there is any opinions on how I can improve the flow of talking about the building task I would love to hear it. I don’t really know if I am actually introducing them correctly in the paper it is something I know I need to go back too. Also my last paragraph is struggling, I understand. I am honestly at a real lost with this assignment so any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

collreadwrit2e

Note to Peers – Chosen Discourse Project

Main Problem: When i got to where i am now in my paper, i got stuck on what i should talk about next. Should i mention more building tasks, or explore another question like are there “tests” that you can do to become apart of the discourse. I feel like, i have done a good … Continue reading “Note to Peers – Chosen Discourse Project”

Main Problem:

When i got to where i am now in my paper, i got stuck on what i should talk about next. Should i mention more building tasks, or explore another question like are there “tests” that you can do to become apart of the discourse.

I feel like, i have done a good job of integrating outside sources to help support my discourse

I feel like i need help with, what i need to do next, or what should i talk about next. Also if i should talk about more building tasks or move away from those.

My number one concern right now would be what should i talk about next, and if i should talk about more building tasks or not.

 

collreadwrit2a

15 min

Note to Peers – Chosen Discourse Project

The main question or problem my writing seeks to address is I guess, whether being a veterinarian is actually a Discourse (saying/writing – doing – being – valuing – believing). The idea or point I feel I’ve made successfully is that being a veterinarian is a Discourse, more specifically a Dominant Discourse. Also, that being … [Read more…]

The main question or problem my writing seeks to address is I guess, whether being a veterinarian is actually a Discourse (saying/writing – doing – being – valuing – believing).

The idea or point I feel I’ve made successfully is that being a veterinarian is a Discourse, more specifically a Dominant Discourse. Also, that being a veterinarian goes along with Gee’s “saying (writing) – doing – being – valuing – believing.”

The idea or point I feel I need help with is maybe clarifying or expanding on the ideas I have already presented in my paper. Maybe ideas aren’t clear enough and need more explanation?

My number one concern about my paper is whether or not all of my ideas – paragraphs tie together nicely and create a smooth flowing paper for my readers.

I definitely need help from my peers on creating a title for my paper, and forming a conclusion so that everything gets connected back to my main claim, and summarizes everything I have talked about.

collreadwrit2e

15 minutes

Draft for discourse paper

In society, people become involved in many different programs, activities, jobs and many other life styles. Gee says, these lifestyles are broken up into 4 categories: Dominant; non dominant; secondary;and primary discourse.  Primary discourses are learned from home and around your family. Secondary discourses are learned through social institutions (ie. school, church, work, etc.).  There … Continue reading “Draft for discourse paper”

In society, people become involved in many different programs, activities, jobs and many other life styles. Gee says, these lifestyles are broken up into 4 categories: Dominant; non dominant; secondary;and primary discourse.  Primary discourses are learned from home and around your family. Secondary discourses are learned through social institutions (ie. school, church, work, etc.).  There are two types of Secondary Discourses: Dominant Discourses allow for the acquisition of social goods and status points, Non-Dominant Discourses do not. However, Non-Dominant Discourses do allow for an individual to become ‘solid’ with a given social network, there is just no increase in social status. According to Gee, discourses can be broken up into seven building tasks. These building tasks include, significance, practices, identities, relationships, social goods, connections, and knowledge. Significance is when we give things, people, ideas meaning or value through language (Gee 32). Practices is language that can signal to others what one is doing (Gee 32). Identities use language to indicate one or more roles within a discourse (Gee 32). Relationships is language that signals the types of we have or want with other people in the discourse (Gee 32). Social goods  is language that affects the distribution of power, prestige and resources (Gee 32). Connections are noted relevant or irrelevant between things; connects/disconnects things that might or might not seem connected or disconnected (Gee 32). Finally, Knowledge is languages, jargon, nonverbal communications, are sign systems. Language can privilege one set of knowledge over another (Gee 32). The idea behind these  building task’s is what makes you apart of whatever discourse you are in and shows you aren’t a mushfake.

If you were to look at snowboarding you can pin it as a secondary or dominant discourse depending how you approach snowboarding. “Secondary Discourses are learned through social institutions (ie. school, church, work, etc.). Dominant Discourses allow for the acquisition of social goods and status points.”( Gee ?)  Many events like: The X games; Burton Open; The Winter Olympics; or Dew tour are very popular and well known by everyone. The riders that compete in these competitions are considered professional snowboarders or rookies. They also make a living of snowboarding through competing and through sponsorship’s. For example:”rbes Magazine estimates that in 2008, snowboarding star Shaun White made $9 million in sponsorship earnings from Burton, Hewlett-Packard, Oakley, Red Bull and Target. Even top snowboarders rarely top $100,000 in annual prize money, so product promotions and sponsorships are the real source of income.”(Duff 1) Also in my case, through age 9-15 i was sponsored and competed in smaller competition for boardercross. When gee says that to be a dominant discourse you need to have a status point as well as social goods, Being a professional snowboarder allows you to have a status point as well as making money annually. On the flip side, snowboarding can also fall  in the category of secondary discourse. For example: “If you’re an experienced snowboarder, you can take advantage of the high-adrenaline cliff-jumping classes and expert-level chutes. Clinics and classes are designed for middle-of-the-road snowboarders who want to learn to turn with more precision, and if you’ve never snowboarded, you can choose private or group instruction with a certified instructor in a day class or multi-day clinic.”(Seaton 1) Every ski resort that you go to, they have experts that hold lessons that range from beginner to expert. Also many mountains have there own ski/snowboard school that students join and  practice every day after school during the season. In this case we will be talking about all mountain riding, which would follow under secondary and non-dominant discourse.

Looking at Gee’s building tasks, significance and connections are a big deal when it comes to snowboarding. When you go and invest into equipment for snowboarding, you want to make sure what you buy is right for you. “Knowing what snowboard equipment you’ll need and choosing the right board, products and accessories for snowboarding can be a daunting experience if you are not quite sure what to look for (Snowboard Essentials 1) Overall, you are going to want to buy, boots, a helmet, face shields, snowboard socks, bindings, snowboard boots, a snowboard, snow pants, gloves or mittens, and a coat. All of these items are a significant part to snowboarding. For all mountain riding, you’re going to want to look for a board that has low to mild flex, a flat or reversed chamber, which will allow you to get more speed and control, and a board that comes up to your nose. A big key to snowboarding is being able to connect with your board and feel comfortable riding it. The more you know how your board works and the more you can enjoy riding the board, the more fun you are going to have riding.

Another building task that Gee uses is Practices. In all mountain snowboarding, learning how to ride goofy and regular will be very helpful when attempting more challenging trails. Also, knowing how to ride switch will allow better performance when you decide to take a few runs through the park. To become a better all mountain rider, it is a good idea to become well rounded when it comes to, steep trails, glades and or park. Becoming good at all mountain riding isn’t easy, for example, Whilst there’s no magic wand you can wave to make you the most seasoned shred-dog in the lands, there are things to consider to maximize your potential on the mountain. (…) If you spend time out of your preferred playground, it’ll pay dividends…trust us (cavanagh 1).  In general being able to do everything around the mountain  will help you becoming a better all around rider.

 

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