Category: ENG123

Paragraph 1, draft 1:

Printmaking is an extremely time consuming process. It takes carving mediums and a little bit of ink to create beautiful artistic editions. When you put all the focused time into it as it requires, you can become an expert quicker than you would expect. First you make a design you are interested in and transfer it on a medium or a plate. Next, you choose from many carving tools (depending upon what medium you are working on) to carve the plate. Lastly you roll out ink onto the medium of choice and use wet cotton paper to transfer your image through a printing press. You can quickly fall in love with this step by step process because of how beautiful your prints come out. Most printmakers take a lot of pride in their editions due to the fact of how much work goes into it.

Paragraph 1, drat 2:

Printmaking is an extremely time consuming process. It takes carving into unique mediums and a little bit of ink, but it can create beautiful, artistic editions. A medium is any material you can carve into wether that be linoleum, plexiglass, or even a piece of wood. An edition is a collection of the same prints you have made with your carved medium. When you put all the focused time into printing as it requires, you can become an expert quicker than you would expect. First you make a design you are interested in and transfer it on a medium or otherwise known as a plate, with a sharpie marker. Next, you choose from many carving tools (depending upon what medium you are working on) to carve the plate. Lastly you roll out ink onto the medium of choice and use wet, cotton paper to transfer your image through a printing press. Anyone can easily fall in love with this step by step process because of how beautiful so many prints come out. Most printmakers take a lot of pride in their editions due to the fact of how much work goes into it.

For this paragraph I explained a lot more about what the different words mean that involve printmaking. I figured a lot of people wouldn’t exactly know what some of these words meant and it makes it easier for people to understand. I realized I used the word you a lot so I made it more general, figuring that most people will never try printing. One thing I am not sure about is if I should add anything to the last sentence. I can’t tell if it wraps up the paragraph or leaves my reader hanging.

Paragraph 2, draft 1:

Being a printer is a hybrid secondary discourse. Although many artists produce print editions leisurely, there is always the potential of money, prestige, and status. My art teacher here at the University of New England has a print shop in Portland where she produces new editions every week. There, she sells her work. As an artist in Portland, I am sure she has some sort of status within the artist community there. Then of course, famous printmakers can acquire a lot of money and most definitely prestige from their work all over the world. Like me though, I do this for fun. You could say that I am in the non-dominant discourse of printing. Even though I do it for fun, there is always the potential for printers like myself to amount to the dominant discourse part of it. Even I, as an intermediate printmaker, could sell my prints and make money from them. In the Printing Discourse, most anyone can get money or acquire (at least some) prestige and status from it if you later become a master.

Paragraph 2, draft 2:

Being a printer is a hybrid secondary discourse. Although many artists produce print editions leisurely, there is always the potential of money, prestige, and status. My art teacher here at the University of New England has a print shop in Portland where she produces new editions every week. There, she sells her work. As an artist in Portland, she definitely has a status within the artist community there. This puts her most likely in the lower part of the dominant discourse because she is not by any means famous. Famous printmakers can acquire a lot of money, and most definitely prestige from their work all over the world. Like me though, I do this for fun. You could say that I am in the non-dominant discourse of printing. Even though I do it for fun, there is always the potential for printers like myself to amount to the dominant discourse part of it. Even I, as an intermediate printmaker, could sell my prints and make money from them. This puts me in the non-dominant Discourse because my work does not bring with it money or prestige, but I am a part of a social network. I am a part of a social network of not only printers, but artists as well. In the Printing Discourse, most anyone can get money or acquire (at least some) prestige and status from it if you later work hard enough to become a master.

I changed some of my sentences so I sound more confident with my facts. Instead of saying “I’m sure she” I changed it to something like “she definitely has”. I also put an explanation in of what Discourse my art teacher was in because I seemed to be missing that. I also put more explanation of what secondary discourse I belonged too. I tried to use some more of Gee’s language here. I think something I could possibly add that adds to Gee’s theory is how there are different levels of money, status and prestige. Maybe in the paragraph when I explain Discourse I can do this.

Time on task: 1 hour

collreadwrit2e

The first paragraph I thought I could do a better job introducing what my discourse and what I am going to talk about. Right now I just discussed what a discourse is. I should discuss hockey and relate it to Gees.

The next paragraph I want to revise is the second paragraph. Here I should make it clear what a dominant and non dominant discourse is with hockey. Once I do this the reader will be more engaged and enjoy reading the rest of my article.

You know what they say, hockey is a sport of its own. Hockey players tend to be a lot different than your average athlete.  “Discourse are “saying” (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing combinations.” (Gee 6) There are many discourse in this world. These discourses tend to separate people into certain groups relating to that discourse. These discourses are all different and involve people with all different interest. Some discourses involve around sports, some involve around animals and the environment. These are just a few examples of what discourse can be. An example I like to use when describing discourse is looking in a school cafeteria, and seeing all the different types of groups, or should I say discourses.  You’ll see all the athletes sitting together, all the academic genius and all other groups separated at different tables. It’s not that they forced to sit with these groups, it’s just they choose to because they are apart of that certain discourse. My discourse falls into that category. I play hockey, so  I tend to hangout with athletes because we share a common discourse. We have the same interest in hockey. Almost everyone on the hockey team has been playing hockey for almost ten years. As you continue playing hockey, you develop certain traits that only hockey players would understand. Some of these traits include certain vocabulary, certain clothing and how you act in general. What I mean by vocabulary is terms like sauce, top cheese, bardown and plenty more. If you don’t play hockey, chances are you don’t have a clue what they mean. These are terms you catch on to when playing hockey. With the clothing part, it’s a lot of brands like bauer, lululemon and team merchandise. These are brands that are usually only found on hockey players.  Hockey players act different than most athletes. We tend to be different in our own way.

 

Hockey can be a dominant and non dominate sport. It all depends on the level you participate in. I would be considered a non dominate discourse because I don’t get paid to play. However professional hockey player that make enough money to make a living are in the  discourse. With hockey everyone starts out in the dominant discourse. You have to train and practice a lot to make it too the dominant discourse. There are many professional leagues that provide decent money including the NHL,AHL, and Europe leagues. The NHL being the highest paid league. The first article I read was “The Rules Of Ice Hockey” by realbuzz.com. In this article it discussed many artifacts. Some which include saying/writing, doing, being, valuing, believing and combinations. The  saying/writing included the author describing offsides and icing. These are two very important rules in ice hockey and is something everyone who plays hockey understands.  The doing part was when the author made a quote saying that “the object of the game is to score more goals than the other team.” This is the doing part because its basic goal in hockey and that is to win. The being part which means what identities are relevant. For this part I wrote that each team can have a maximum of 2o players including two goalies.  The valuing part is what’s said to be most important to hockey players. For this I wrote that hockey is “one of the fastest flowing sports in the world.” This is what hockey players take pride in. For the believing part I wrote that the “referee (who wears the orange stripe) controls the game and makes the final decision.” The combinations part is that the blue lines and red lines combine to make different zones in the rink.  These are good examples of artifacts that I found in the article.

“collreadwrit2e”

1 Hour

While revising my paper it really helped to look at my peer reviewers comments prior to trying to fix anything about my paper. Also after reading the comments made by peers I went back and did the assignments of making an outline, that outlined allowed me to ask and answer the questions in habits of a creative mind. While asking some questions I realized a main issue in my paper is the gap between my scholar information and data. I feel as if my opinion is not very well incorporated, but my data is good. I also am realizing after this editing process that my paper is of path, and its not very well flowed. I really am considering different ways of structuring my paper in order to allow the reader to be less confused with my point. I can tell that I was very lost in my own thoughts. After getting some clarity, I can now develop better thoughts to express what I am saying with my own thoughts, Gee’s ideas, and my data. It also almost goes off a cliff towards the end, as my peer reviewer said my information gets duller as my paper progresses. So this is definitely an area for help, but I think once I restructure my ideas will be clearer. I am most curious on if their is places I can challenge maybe, or even make more complex of a claim or idea. I need to really go back and focus on what TASK are most important to my paper, also make sure everything am saying makes sense in the form of a structure. I want to make my voice known more, because I do think it lacks my own opinion as stated before. Overall I have some areas that need to be worked on, but I think once I did this assignment, and asked the questions from the reading it helped my break down my paper.

collreadwrit2e 50 mins

After making a post-draft outline I realized I definitely need a better conclusion. My last paragraph is helpful to the analysis of my Discourse but I don’t think it is right to be a conclusion. I like how I set up the rest of the essay before that last paragraph though. I explain a Gee idea, and then the next paragraph is using those ideas to explain my own Discourse. I think I do a good job with originality because I am using my own experiences to make my reader understand my Discourse, from my perspective. I use a lot of print language in the essay that can definitely use more explanation to help the reader better understand. I need more of gees idea of saying-doing-being-valuing, etc. When I put solid artifacts in my draft I think I will have an easier time putting those ideas into focus. If I had an artists personal story and connecting it to how they are in the dominant part of the secondary Discourse could make my essay more interesting. I think it is very obvious that only I could write this draft. Not many people could understand how to explain multiple parts of the Discourse even if they looked up the facts of it. I like where my essay is going so far, but it definitely needs a lot of work.

collreadwrit2e

Time on task: 30 Minutes

To fix my final draft I definitely need to add reliable artifacts. That is the main problem I have with my essay as of currently. For other revisions, I definitely have to make my claim more prompted in my first paragraph. I focus entirely on Discourse. My analysis is how you can be considered a printmaker.

From my comments I need to:

• Describe how long it takes to print
• How I got into the printing discourse (being an art kid)
• What a medium is – pretty much what you are using to make the art work. Put that in after my firsty sentence talking about medium.
•  Smoother transitions from one idea to the next
• Maybe a story how a print sold for money as my artifact? Ask art teachers.
• More explanation on how it is a hybrid
• The different ways you can tell some one is in a printing Discourse
• Make the names of the tools clear and tell how they are parts of the sign sysytem and knowledge element of Gee
• Figuring out what artifacts will be helpful to explain my paper better

collreadwrit2e

Time on task: 30 Minutes

Over looking my draft and my peer’s comments, its become really clear on what I need to do. First thing i need to do is to re structure and make my draft flow and transition better.

The second thing i need to do, is to put more of gees work in and use better use of my artifacts. The thing I need to realize is that even though i know all the terms for snowboarding, the reader doesn’t. So by using my artifacts wisely, i should be able to explain these terms in a better sense.

Another thing i need to start doing is trying to focus on a smaller part instead of a broad amount. This will allow me not to get overwhelmed with detail and will allow me to not get off track with my claim. While we are talking about claim, i need to make my claim more clear and develop it through-out the entire paper.

Finally, i need to do the more basic, which entails, looking over grammar, punctuation and sentence structure that i didn’t really worry about when writing the draft.

Overall, i need to take all the information i have, and make it flow correctly and use it properly. If  i can do this and listen to what my peers said, i should be in a good position for finishing with a strong thought out paper.

35 min

collreadwrit2e

1. My artifacts worked well for my project and where I see my project going. I plan to continue to use my same artifacts and possibly looking for a another artifact to support my argument. I need to go back through my paper and add Gee’s work to the artifacts to strengthen my stance of the Chosen Discourse.
2. I believe I’m using good language in regards to the artifacts. I do think I could clear up some confusion throughout my paper by using more of Gee’s work to support my claims made with my artifacts. The kinds of language I feel are lacking are the scholarly work by Gee’s building tasks. With the building task work in my paper I believe it will become much more insightful about my chosen discourse.
3. I need to work on adding a paragraph about Discourse and Discourse analysis. My introduction currently is about my topic and how it relates to what I’m trying to argue which is that world politics, culture, and social aspects of life are reflected in world soccer. I believe if I open up with Discourse work and using that to transition to my topic my paper will be much more effective in analyzing the Discourse I chose and getting the most out of my sources.
4. The issue I currently have that I addressed in my Note to Peers and was brought up in the discussion is adding Gee’s work to my project.

 

30  minutes

collreadwrit2e

1. When talking with my peers I discussed the ideas of my artifacts with them. My peer reviewers brought it to my attention that my quotes were strong, but the introduction of the quotes wasn’t the best they could be. I was given the advice to try and integrate my idea more before stating the quote. They did agree that the data I used helped benefit my agreement with relation to Gee and his terms on secondary discourse. I am thinking about doing a little bit more research on the topic to maybe find a few more details that can better my paper. Like Carolina helped pointed out, another quote for explaining the ideas of transferring will better support my thought. I do think that organizing my quotes better, and even improving some data is something that I need to work on.
2. As the Habits of the creative minds stated, I do need to do some rethinking of my quotes. Yes, so of them are good, but I think I can find so better ones. It was pointed out by some peers that a quotes is reading something else to them than what I thought it was reading. So maybe going over some of the quotes and better analyzing them could help out my case. I have a lot of thoughts that I would like to help figure after hearing what my peers had to say. I will have to take sometime and analyze my quotes better, or as I said in the first paragraph do some more research. Doing some more research is not really a bad thing. I also want to work on adding some language that we talk about in class to my paper. What I mean by that is adding some but, and, or statements to direct my argument.
3. Overall, my peers agreed that my introduction was very clear on introducing the ideas of Gee. Even throughout my body paragraphs I was told that when I talked about Gee I explained what Gees definitions are clearly, as if they were outsiders of the classroom they could of clearly understood Gees ideas. I do think that maybe my organization of quotes and explanation in my introduction are a little wacky, but I am planning on fixing that. I also want to explore the idea of adding another introduction body paragraph and just focus on what my discourse is because I was told my peer reviewers that it kind of lacked my claim being discussed. Which after looking at I can agree. So I do plan on restructuring my introduction a little bit, and while doing that fixing my papers to form a new body paragraph that I think will benefit me.
4. I think my peer reviewers did answer my question whether or not my ideas where clear enough to the reader. I did think that they also answered my other questions. They even gave me so extra advice which was nice. They did say I was on the right track which is good, because this assignment did confuse me a little bit. Also another thing is that I do think all the advice they gave me is important and I do take the information to heart after I look at the comments. If they take the time to read my paper and give me advice then it clearly means that it is an issue that I can fix. Worse comes to worse is I don’t take their advice, but that is my choice as a writer. In my revision I will have their comments up as I write my second draft to this assignment.
5. time on task 45 mins collreadwrit2e